Humor

     Technology Bottleneck
                 What's holding things up?

Engineers are told:
make stuff happen

Chicago - a recent report on SMS (Short Message Service) noted that widespread acceptance of this technology would depend on "easing input of text."

It added, "Currently, too much button-pushing is required to enter text messages."

Elephant. Livingroom.

"We know that typing on their cell phones is the main reason people don't type on their cell phones." says phone company spokesperson Wepheel Yerpayne who continues "So far, it seems impossible to design a small cell phone keypad that the average person can pick up and type fast on, right away."

"We are used to having 26 buttons for 26 letters" explains I. Gettit. "Now they give us 12 buttons and say: "OK, 12 are good too."

"No way. It's not happening."

The problem huge.
The solution elusive.

"We asked for a team of crack researchers and what we got was a research team on crack." exclaims manager Bourntoo Holler, who concludes:

"We need engineers with special powers."

Skydiver plummets
while typing email

AUGERVILLE - Willie Bounce, a local jumper, "simply took too long trying to finish typing an email on his cell phone," said sheriff Heyou Pullitova, who added "This appears to be another text-entry related incident."

Jumpmaster Darwin Ruels was asked if there was anything the jumper could have done to avoid his fate and responded: "That's obvious. He was typing on a phone keypad designed over 40 years ago," and concluded:

"He needed a faster keypad."

Government study to determine if typing faster saves time
Type faster, save time? - "Not so fast"

Porkbarrel - "We know what they think and it is going to cost them." says government planner Biggeris Behta.

"We need to find out if saving time is a good thing. For instance, taking 2 hours to do an 8 hour job - is that necessarily a good thing?"

Cell phone keypad is target of study

"Send email with my cell phone? Sure! if I could type like, way faster." laments Notso Faste.

Randi Bandwidth says "I like SMS, but my brain hurts when I multi-tap - is this normal?"

"So I want to type faster, right?" ponders Juste Missinit.

"I don't like talking on a waffle." "Do you like talking on a waffle?" queries disgruntled PDA owner Perfurs Ahmlettes

Tyrduv Wayting advises "I don't care how many ******* buttons it has, just make it faster."

"I suppose it would be OK to try a new keypad if it isn't too different..." snivels Ima Winer

"Dis-ambiguate this" reveals Wantsmor Keez

"Ultimately, the keypad must change itself. Schudup & Chopwood, PhD's

Save time? Sounds like a faster keypad might save a little sanity too.

World peace now seen as possible -
"If we could just type faster on our cell phones..."

Schaumburg - Nation leaders meet once again, hoping to agree on a better way to communicate with each other without annoying others, at movie theaters and restaurants. "This is important. We are world leaders. We need to lead worlds." explained ambassador Giddeup Kowbouy who concluded: "We can blow up the solar system. It's good that we can type fast."

Reports of strange new keypad

HOLYGRAIL - Reports of an "unusually easy to use" keypad are coming from this normally quiet test town.

An undisclosed source disclosed: "This is big," then continuing "and little." Finally intimating: "All I can tell you is",
"we know stuff."

Stories of the new keypad have been confirmed by engineering firm Mesurtwyce & Kutonce:

"Sure, we user-tested that little pocket-rocket." verifies lab director Wi Quantifiem. "Small. Fast. Many were not returned."

"It's all in fun." laughs Holygrail bird-watcher, Katsdye Heere.

"I must admit talk of a new keypad caused a bit of a stir around our little test town," she noted and then sighed, "Normally we just hear them complaining about their computers freezing." adding:

"It does get chilly up here."
"That is why you rarely see the elusive, Itskold-Ahmoutaheer."